I wrote a blog today, about death, and friendship. But I read back over it and cringed. I just sound so depressed. And I don't feel depressed.
I'm feeling pretty insecure about friendships right now. I'm afraid that I'm letting my friends down, not being there for them enough. And the ironic thing is that I have to force myself to pull back so I don't seem so needy and too invested. The people I feel closest to are the people I'm most cautious about. If I care deeply, I pull back. I tend to not trust people in general and I try to protect my heart. If I'm too vulnerable to someone, they can hurt me, and probably will.
This is something that I desperately want to fix. I want to be a good friend and have good friends and be confident that they want that from me too.
This is exactly how I feel, and apparently what I do as well. I am not sure how to fix it otherwise I would have by now, all of the energy that I've invested in this over the years. I think, though, that friendships I have like the one I have with you, help me. Each time I have been brave enough to tell you my feelings, you rush right in to make them better and I appreciate that in you more than you know.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Malynda, btw.
ReplyDeleteand I love you too Jamie
ReplyDelete