Wonder Woman

I've been home from Fitness Ridge for a little over a week now. The transition back to regular life was actually pretty hard on me. It's amazing to me how quickly I became comfortable with life at Fitness Ridge. I still miss it. I miss the resort, the people and the way my life was there. I was so nervous to be home. I just kept feeling like I was going to fall back into my old patterns. I came home to a very busy week. I had to go out to dinner for events with my friends twice and had a house party to go to on Saturday.
I actually did really well. The two nights I went out to dinner I looked up the restaurants online before I went to make sure I would have healthy options. I planned what to eat and stuck with the plan when I got there. I was most worried about the house party on Saturday night. These are the friends that I usually drink with and I was worried about how I would handle that. The party was at my friend, Sera's house. She called me ahead of time and asked how many calories I can have in a day. It turns out most of those friends are trying to get healthier too so the food would be healthy. Chris and I found the recipe for a 90 calorie margarita and I was pretty excited that I'd actually be able to have a drink.
The party was a lot of fun for me. I got to have a margarita, we ate kabobs off the grill that were wonderful and I even made Fitness Ridge's chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. I saved enough calories for the margarita and that was nice. My friends were incredibly supportive and had questions about my trip. I was very pleasantly surprised by how supported and happy I felt.
The next day I went hiking with my friend Tera and her little boy and our dogs. It feels so good to be able to do things like that with friends. Before Fitness Ridge I'd have been too embarrassed to go hiking with Tera because she's in great shape and I'd have thought I would hold her back. We also talked about the experience and I told her about some of the emotional issues that I believe led to my weight gain. It was a little scary to open up about some of those things but also a relief to get it off my chest.
On Friday night Chris and I went to my parents' house. I hadn't seen my Mom since I'd gotten home and I loved telling her about the experience. We had dinner there and breakfast in the morning. I wasn't worried about eating there because my parents' eat healthy food anyway, and this was no exception. In the morning Chris, Dad and I went on a 3-4 mile walk with my dog and my parents' little Shih Tzu Archie.
Over all, I am surprised to find that eating well has been the easiest thing to do at home. Exercise takes more work to keep up with. My husband is amazing support with that as he has started pushing me and holding me accountable. I am grateful for that change in our relationship. We have always enabled each other to be lazy and eat badly and now we're changing that pattern.
Since I've been home Chris has lost 12 pounds by eating well and exercising. I've lost 7 pounds since I've been home, bringing my total so far to 22.
A couple of pretty big things have happened since I've been home. My friend, Jen, had a stroke on Monday night (a week ago) and was rushed via life flight to Salt Lake. She is still in intensive care and on a ventilator. We are very lucky that she's still with us and still fighting. Please pray for my friend.
On Tuesday I gave my two weeks notice to the job I've had for 3 1/2 years. My last day will be this Friday. It's been very sad for me to say goodbye to the kids but I know I'm making the right decision.
When one of the kids I work with first saw me last week he said "Oh! Short hair!" about 10 times. He likes long hair and I think he was bothered that I cut off so much. Then he said "Skinny!" I was thrilled. These kids don't know how to lie and they never say things just to flatter you. He really noticed I lost weight. It was great!
Lastly, my amazing friend Malynda has been just one of the sweetest people in the world to me. When she saw me she immediately said that I looked a lot smaller and every time she sees me she says she can't get over how different I look. She calls me Wonder Woman and posted this picture to my Facebook.
If that's Wonder Woman, I can live with that. I still have some work to do.

2nd Day and Doing Better

I had a rough day today but I pushed through and made the decisions I needed to. The best thing that happened today was that I spent about 2 hours on the phone with my uncle - the one person who probably understands my situation and the way I feel about it the best. It was so nice just to hear his thoughts and tips and I was struck several times by how well he knows me.
So, as I'm going to bed now, I feel at peace and hopeful and strong.

2nd Day Home and Struggling

It's Tuesday and I'm really struggling today. I haven't done anything wrong...I'm still eating exactly what I'm supposed to eat and I've exercised because it makes me feel better. But, emotionally, I'm having a really tough time. I go back to work in an hour and a half and I just don't feel ready to be back in the real world yet. I felt so powerful and happy at Fitness Ridge and I wish I could be back there now.

There are several big changes that I really need to make in my life and I'm not able to find the strength to make those changes, or to even know if I should. I'm trying to trust myself and my instincts but that's something I haven't done in a very long time and I'm rusty at it.

I keep trying to get Chris to make my decisions for me but he can't and he shouldn't.

I just want to go back and stay there.

Day 14 and 1st Day Home

I apologize for not writing yesterday but it's really been a very busy last few days.
I woke up yesterday at around 7:30. Laid in bed for a few minutes and then called Chris. He asked if I was packed and leaving yet. I laughed at him. He said to hurry and come home. Jessica said "don't leave me!" I missed Chris but I didn't want to leave. I really grew to love Fitness Ridge and the people there. I had my weigh in at 8 so I went there first before eating. During the two weeks that I was there, I lost 15.3 pounds and 8.5 inches total. My BMI dropped 2.4 as well. One of my goals was to lose more weight the second week than I did the first. With 6 pounds the first and 9.3 the second, I did. I'm happy with those numbers.
For breakfast I had granola and almond milk, then I went up to my room to pack. Jessica came up for a while and tried to convince me to stay. Then she went down to the lobby. Allie came next and laid on Jessica's bed and talked to me while I finished packing and wrote a letter to Jessica.
It was so hard to say goodbye to everyone. When I said goodbye to Allie and Jessica I cried. I didn't want to leave the resort at all.
It was a very long drive from St. George to Pocatello and I spent a good portion of it on the phone with my brother, my mom and Chris. My brother, Michael, was driving to Salt Lake from Idaho Falls and we stopped to see eachother. He's lost 50 pounds in the last year and just in the last month or so he's grown his hair longer. He looks so good! He told me I look thinner, especially in my face.
When I got home, Kitten was standing by the door. Right when she saw me she started meowing, yelling at me for leaving her. I pet her for a minute and then she followed me for the next 5 minutes yelling at me non-stop. When I opened the door to Chris's office and he saw me, he teared up. He hugged and kissed me and said it was easier to hug me now cause I'm smaller. I didn't know 15 pounds would really make much of a difference but it made me feel wonderful!
I spent the rest of the night hanging out with Chris, telling him about everything and showing him my videos of the resort.
At about 9:30 he asked if I wanted to watch a movie, but I started yawning and decided to go to bed instead. My body is just on a different time clock now. Chris is very happy about that and so am I.
This morning I got up at 7:30 and Chris and I made breakfast together and ate together before he went to work. I loved it and want to make that our new morning routine.
I spent most of the day today reading my resort cookbooks and planning food for the week and grocery shopping. Shopping takes a lot longer when you have to read every single label. Eventually I will get used to it and just buy the same things but this first trip took a long time. When I got home, Taryn texted me and I told her to come see me. She hung out with me while I cut chicken into 4 oz portions and put them into separate ziplock bags. Then she helped me cook dinner and ate with Chris and I. We had Arugula and Goat Cheese stuffed chicken over Polenta with roasted red peppers and asparagus on the side. The recipes were from the resort cookbook and all together dinner was 500 calories and filled the whole plate. I was completely full and so were Taryn and Chris.
I'm starting to feel like I can really handle doing all of this at home too. I'm already getting tired so I'll probably go to bed around 9:30 again.
Jess, Karen, Allie, Sophia, Erin, Dana, Julie, Laurie - I miss you!

Day 13 - Shoop

So I didn't write last night because it was graduation and we hung out for a long time after. By the time everything was over I could barely keep my eyes open. That was about 11 pm, which is crazy for me because before I came I was going to bed around 3 am every night.
So, here's the menu for yesterday:
There was no Yoga because it was Saturday so I got up a little later and went to breakfast. Really great fruit plate today.

This frittata with guacamole was the best breakfast I've had here. It was pretty good.


After breakfast it was time for the hike. We got to choose our hike today and I chose the only one I hadn't done, which had petrogliffs on it. It was an easy hike but the petrogliffs were really cool.


This is pepper grass. It's supposed to taste like pepper when you chew it but I think it tastes likes horseradish.
View from the top of my hike.

When we got back from the hike we only had one more class. I did water volleyball. Jessica was on my team and I warned her I was awful at it. I celebrated every time I even touched the ball and she would coach and say "That was good, but next time let's try hitting it". I did hit it over the net once or twice. It was a lot of fun though. When it was time for lunch everyone got out of the pool except Jessica and Travis (who works here). They played and splashed eachother for another hour and we all teased that he was flirting with her but she denies it.

We had carrot soup at lunch. I thought it was going to be bad but it was pretty good.

We also had turkey tacos, which were really good, especially with some Siracha. I've learned to put Siracha on EVERYTHING.

After lunch I sat in the hot tub for a few minutes and then Jessica, Julie, Allie, Sophia and I went to the little art community, Kayenta. There was sidewalk art everywhere. This baby chick was done by Avalon and Jordan, a married couple in their 20s who are hiking guides here.

In one of the shops Jessica tried on all of the scarves.

We asked the lady in this shop to take our picture. From left to right is Sophia, me, Allie, Jessica and Julie.
Jessica tried to sit in this metal chair and fell off of it.

Sophia loved this metal horse.
After Kayenta we went to Walgreens for sugar free gum. Then we came back to the resort for dinner. We had a chicken rice bowl with lots of vegetables. It was wonderful, as usual.

This is Erin, who is leaving now after being here for 8 weeks and Jen, the life coach. Jen's lectures have really been amazing and helped me to tap in to a lot of the things about myself that I've been avoiding thinking about. I really love her.

Dessert. Chocolate is a really big deal here.

Tiffany is one of the trainers.

After dinner we watched the video of the week and we went around and talked about our experiences. I said that I came here to lose weight, and I did, but that's not what I got out of being here. I was a very unhappy person when I came and I didn't feel very good about myself. Now I've gotten a lot of my confidence back because I did all of the things that I was positive I couldn't do. I'm a different person now than I was 2 weeks ago. I cried.
My goofy, hyper roommate cried when she talked too and she said she'd miss me so much and cried more. So then I cried more.
After graduation we did karaoke. I told them no way would I sing without alcohol, but I did...and I had so much fun. I had at least as much fun as I've ever had doing karaoke while drinking.
Here's Sophia and I singing Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.

Erin and I sang All Out of Love by Air Supply.

Allie did the best karaoke performance I have ever seen in my life. She did Shoop and is a good rapper. The karaoke guy said it was the best rapping he'd ever seen done and it was hilarious. I couldn't quit laughing.

Jessica and Allie did Ice, Ice Baby. This is Allie laughing at Jess's dance moves.

Jess and I sang Goodbye, Earl by the Dixie Chicks.

After karaoke Jess, Allie and I got in the hot tub for a while and just talked. Then I took Allie back to her condo because Sophia was tired earlier and went back. I was exhausted when I got back to my room and just went straight to sleep.
I will post about today (day 14) tonight once I'm home.

Day 12 - "Jessica, You Were Right"

Last night my roommate, Jessica, read my blog and said "I haven't been in the blog in the last two days. I need to step it up." And she did.
She woke me up by saying "Good morning sunshine" and "wakey, wakey" in a singsong voice. I tried to cover my head with my blanket. Jessica has more energy at 5:30 am than most people have after an entire pot of coffee. My back was killing me and I said no way am I going to Yogalates. She said it would help and I argued for a few minutes but finally got up.
Jessica was writing a goal for herself for the day and stuck it on one of the pictures.

I told her good luck with that. Everyone looks like a fool in Zumba. Here's Jessica about 5 minutes after waking up. Ridiculously happy.


We went to Yoga and I was thinking how miserable it was going to be with my back hurting so badly. Magically, by the end of class the pain was basically gone. Leaving the class I mumbled "You were right." Jessica said "What? Can you say that louder?" She had me tell her several times today that she was right.
After Yoga it was time for breakfast.


Breakfast was "pancakes" with sausage and eggs. It was fine. Still not crazy about breakfast here. Still LOVE everything else.
While I was eating John came over to say goodbye to me. He left this morning so he could get home in time to spend Easter with his family. I cried while I hugged him goodbye. I really bonded with him in the 2 weeks while I was here. He's been so supportive and sweet to me. John, I miss you already!


Breakfast:


After breakfast it was time for the hike. Yesterday I begged for the guides to change our Friday hike. We were scheduled for Scout Cave and I desperately wanted to do Camelback. It's a harder hike and is climbing rocks most of the way. Finally the guides agreed and I was thrilled. So this morning I got on the van first and was waiting for the other people in my van to get there. This was also my last hike with my favorite guide and new friend, Lauren. We waited...and waited...and waited...no one else came. Every single person in my van decided to go on an easier hike and went on other vans. I was afraid that they'd make me go with another group since my van was empty except for me.
I couldn't believe it when the three guides (Lauren, Brent and Kim) got in the van and said "Well, since we only have one hiker, we better not lose her". So I got to do the hike I wanted to do this whole two weeks with three guides of my own! It was incredible. We went at my pace. We climbed every rock I wanted to and when it was time to turn around and I hadn't climbed to the top of the camel's hump yet, they let me finish it anyway. I had the most amazing time.
Some pictures of the hike:
Cool plant:


Camelback. (because there are two humps) I climbed to the very top of the left hump.

Dragon's Tail. I just thought it was cool.

Looking down into "The Vortex" you can make shadow people. From left to right: Brent, Lauren, Me, Kim. (I think)


Me at the top of the hump. Brent climbed it with me.

This is me trying to get down. I never really think about the process of getting down when I want to climb up things. I employed the Slide on my Butt method. It worked.

My personal guides. Kim, Lauren and Brent.

In the last 2 weeks I've fallen twice on hikes. Lauren says I'm a graceful faller. I've not hurt myself and I just get up and laugh. On the way back from the hike today I was looking around because it was beautiful and tripped. I face planted into the rocks and fell right onto my camera. It hurt really bad but I was mainly worried about my camera, which had jabbed really hard into my sternum. Once I tested out the camera and found that it was fine, I checked out myself. I had fallen on my hand so that my pinkie finger was bent back all the way. It looked funny at first but is fine now. I skinned my knees and my sternum still hurts if I touch it. After all three guides made sure I was okay Lauren said "I guess you're not that graceful of a faller". I laughed and got up. They said they failed because the three of them only had one hiker and they couldn't keep me from hurting myself. Totally not their fault though that I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. I laughed at my guides the entire time. Here we are by the bus.


On the way back to the resort we pulled to the side of the road so I could take a picture of a waterfall. There were a couple of cars stopped there and people on the side of the road looking. They were obviously tourists and they got really excited when they saw the van that said "The Biggest Loser". They started shouting "Rulon! Rulon!" Kim rolled down the window and said "I lost 400 pounds" and they all started cheering for him. Then we drove off laughing. This was my best day for hiking by far and I'm very grateful to those guides for making it amazing for me.
After the hike I went to a pool class which was hard, but nice.
Lunch today was Tomatillo Soup (so good) and a turkey club pita with a little salad. Lunch was so good and I was hungry!
Afterwards we had a lecture on Planning Strategies for when we go home. Just starting to make plans for how to keep up our progress.
Zumba class was next and it was a lot more fun than last week but I still looked like a dork doing it. This was an especially good instructor so it was fun.
Next I went to circuit, where I worked so hard that I was dripping sweat for most of the class. I set a new personal record today for running for the longest I've run straight in the last decade. I ran at 5 mph for 2.5 minutes.
My last class of the day was a pool class and it was the hardest pool class I've done so far. My body was just aching by the time it was all over.
Dinner tonight was a salmon burger (really good) and dessert was a fruit skewer. Allie and Jessica posing with a fruit skewer:


Sophia and Kim at dinner. I met Kim on the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge Alumni page on Facebook before I came.

Jennifer and Laurie. I met Laurie on Facebook too and I love her. She's the sweetest lady and so understanding and caring.

Jessica had this picture taken by the pool of her, Allie and Jordan. Jordan is this cute little 14 year old girl who is here for the week with her Mom.


I tried to get an appointment to get my hair cut tonight and originally couldn't get an appointment but now I've got one. It's in 40 minutes so I had to get my blog done early so I don't have to do it when my haircut is over.
Now I'm going to get some tea and hang out for a while before my appointment.
I love it here so much that I don't want to leave but I also really miss everyone. I can't wait to hike with my puppy, cuddle with Kitten and finally see Chris again.
Thanks for reading everyone.

Day 11

Today was a really great day. I feel like it was one of those days when I made some good discoveries about myself. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable and confidant. When I first got here I would freak out every time I walked into the dining room that maybe I wouldn't find a spot to sit next to someone I knew. Now it doesn't really matter, because I can talk to anyone.


Breakfast this morning was fruit...


...and hot muesli. I added some Truvia to make it a little sweeter. Truvia is a natural 0 calorie sweetener.

After breakfast we had our hike, which was called City Creek. It's a new hike that they're trying out to decide if they are going to keep doing it or not. There weren't any rocks to climb or anything like that but it was okay. The great part was that today Allie hiked with me. We talked about our stories...why we think we gained the weight and she gave me some great eating and exercise tips. The thing that really helped me the most was that she was encouraging me the whole time, challenging me to go faster, motivating me. And it feels different coming from her because I know that she knows how it feels. She's been this weight before so if she says I can do it, she knows.
Allie and I on the hike:


After the hike we had stretch class, which felt so great today after the hike. My muscles always tense up after hiking.
Lunch today was really good. We had mushroom soup, which everyone loved.
We also had a green salad with strawberries and cucumber and a turkey sandwich. I've learned to really like Siracha and mustard because they have very few calories.


After lunch we had a lecture on budget: how much to eat, how much to exercise to meet our goals. Of course then we had to discuss how to set realistic goals. It's really all about making the math work and they gave us the formulas to make sure we know exactly what to do.
During the lecture I was sitting barefoot on the floor. I noticed that one of my toes was big and the tip of it was white. I sort of picked at it a bit and then all of a sudden I had clear puss all over my hands. I had to hop to the other side of the room to get a towel. Turns out I have a blister underneath my toe nail. Very weird.
Next was Treading. It's a cardio class. I decided to branch out a little to be easier on my knees. I did the elliptical today. It turns out that if you do any machine the correct way it's hard. So now I know I don't necessarily have to do the treadmill to get a good workout. I just poured sweat through that entire class.
My next class was supposed to be pool but I decided to skip it and do treading again for more calorie burn. Two cardio classes in a row is really hard but was totally worth it. Allie was on the machine next to me in this class and really pushed me. She kept telling me what speed to go at and just kept talking the whole time. "You can do it. Keep going. Faster, faster. You can do anything for 15 seconds." It was so helpful. I wish I could have someone next to me in my face every time I work out.
Next class was called Ball Works. The whole class is done with a pilates ball and it's really hard. I did something to my back in this class and it's really hurting me. I think at this point I should just assume that my whole body is going to hurt and that's all there is to it.
After Ball Works it was time for dinner. I went into the dining room and saw Erin. She got her hair cut and colored and chemically straightened last night. She looks great.


Erin is amazing. She's been here for 8 weeks and goes home on Sunday. She is such a tough girl.
Dinner was stuffed bell peppers. I put some siracha on them and they were good.

For dessert we had a low calorie version of tiramisu. I liked it.

After dinner we had a lecture on meal planning and learned a lot about some of the things we can't have here like caffeine, alcohol, artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, etc. It's not all off limits when we get home but they told us why we don't have those things here and how to do them correctly. Basically, as with everything else, moderation is key.
Now that I'm about to go home I'm really missing my family and friends. I miss my fur babies and Chris a lot and I'm happy to be about to see everyone. I'm also a little sad to be leaving. I'm really enjoying my time here. I've met some great people, learned a lot about myself and had a great time. The hard part will be keeping it all up at home, but I'm confidant that I can do it.